Yep. It’s water falling alright.
Coordinates:
45.57595° N
122.11536° W
Multnomah Falls is a natural monument located east of Portland, Oregon. Its waters bluster forth from a cliff 627 feet above sea level only to plunge headlong into the waiting maw of the basin 542 feet below. Thousands of tourists are annually showered in its frothy mountain mist as they cling excitedly together and point their clunky DSLR cameras skyward, marvelling at the waterfall’s marvelous majesty.
The site offers plenty of photo and hiking opportunities, its primary set piece being its iconic and historic bridge. Most tourists merely stop here and take a bunch of pictures that they’ll share and forget on their Facebook feeds within a week. Occasionally in a fit of inspiration a man will bend his knee and surprise his significant other with season tickets to see the Trailblazers, a tale as old as the falls themselves I’m sure. For those wilder spirits for whom adventure cannot tame, a paved footpath about 2 miles long meanders along the side of the falls in a series of switchbacks. It eventually emerges at an overlook where the more stalwart visitors can snap more pictures and remark on how the filthy plebs below look like tiny pleb-shaped ants. Traversing this footpath is a lot like climbing 100 flights of really muddy stairs.
What is interesting about Multnomah Falls is how it is passively permeated with reminders of everyone’s impending doom. These reminders crudely inform visitors that they are on borrowed time and are alive only because the Multnomah Falls wills it. Two car-sized boulders resting at the foot of the falls serve as the most obvious and terrifying examples. However, multiple accounts also exist of falling rocks Hulksmashing through the iconic and historic bridge or otherwise laying waste to the hillside without warning. Additionally, all manner of natural hillside decor suggests that every object is destined to slide violently into oblivion but has been temporarily set back by some precariously placed tendrils of some baby trees, moss, lichen, and ferns. Ever cognizant of this, the vigilant folks at Parks and Recreation have graciously polluted the landscape with signage begging hikers to stick to the footpath lest they accidentally start Armageddon ahead of schedule.
Should the End Times start at Multnomah Falls, those who are left behind can stop by the historic Multnomah Falls Lodge for a bite to eat at a suitable price so they don’t have to face the Wrath of God on an empty stomach. There is also a souvenir shop where you can buy waterfall-related baubles and a coffee stand to remind you of the suburban life before all the fire and brimstone rained down from the heavens. The coffee’s alright, but I have yet to try the food.
Other pictures
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ThomFiles 